been a pretty sleepless week for me. everyone knew there was gonna be a turnout but just didn't know which day so every night some bozo would try to set alarm clock just to check; waking everyone up in the process as well. As each day pass, everyone gets more paranoid, rumours start spreading that it's gonna be that day and stuff, pretty annoying after a while. Then wed night had planning for the next day's exercise so didn't sleep too. Thurs exercise kanna f by instructor even though it was our first time doing it, heard that he told someone he didn't like our this batch anyway. but thurs exercise was by far the most fun we had. Just sat in a rover the whole day, deployed at some distant location and the only activity was just talking and directing the driver lol. and so, everyone lacking sleep, slept like logs when we returned and just so happened the turnout was on that night as well haha, even though we knew, noone could wake up before that. Yup, and finally got our blue beret weee..

Had mess opening during the night also, i performed together with some friends and thankfully it turned out not too bad... will try to get pictures of the night to post up here soon i hope. Only bad point was that everyone got pissed drunk as we were forced to drink and stuff. Even at the point where we were really high already, the seniors stepped in to offer us even more drinks, and to the extent of putting multiple raw eggs into the beer! The toilet was pretty busy after that... the final straw was the vodka they brought in and my friend downed close to 12 shots on top of all the beer which made him pass out in some remote location where we had to search for him in the morning lol. another was so drunk he went up to my major on course and hugged him!

hmm on to more serious stuff.. think even though army takes you away from ur family and stuff, sometimes i really do think my life is much better being in camp than at home.. got 'nagged' by my mother the whole day today, and come to think of it, probably the first time since i went in whereas it would become a monthly affair when i was back home, and the topic usually would derive from money, or the lack of it.. uni fees, future allowance, what if next time no job, want to get married, blah blah... not that she's wrong, just that probably she's absolutely right, im spending money like nobody's business when i should be saving it for the future...

Sometimes i also wonder what exactly the kind of person i am.. on one hand i do enjoy company while the other i do find myself quite a loner... i still find that i like to keep a lot of feelings and things to myself, probably something that im used to for very long. I feel so confused, family and friends with expectations of me to do something or being something, but in the end i feel im never quite good enough, which reminds of of the song iris.. don't know how to end this but i think i'll just end here for today, dont' wanna think anymore..

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