there's this appointment i go for every year with my dad. I guess if it were totally up to me, i'd make an excuse not to go. To be honest the only reason i go is because i want to see my grandmother, and feel quite guity for not visiting her.

my dad is as weird as me. he never calls or finds out about me, which i wouldn't really care if he did, but somehow, i know he does and just doesn't show it or bothers to. If you're his friend, you'd probably think he's a pretty good friend and guy, volunteering in the red cross and stuff. but then again, just like me, as much as we try or know how to help people, we can't seem to help ourselves, or want to for that matter. And after these dinners, i just feel so strange, just want to be alone... and just listen to my music..

sometimes i really wonder if since my life is kinda complicated enough, do i really need someone else to complicate other matters? How will it affect me to say that i want to put a girl i like into a position to be part of my family mess?

i am and always will be, a weird kid.

if you don't understand what i just wrote, its ok. just don't ask me about it.

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